Laziness. When I’ve become pregnant, I’ve been so lazy during weekends that I usually just choose to stay in the house. Yes, I still go out but only if I go to my yoga classes, attend my driving lessons, go to mass and do my grocery shopping. Other than that, I just choose to stay at home, cook my food, do a little bit of writing, do some household chores and read my piling stack of books that I’ve either bought or borrowed from the library.
The moment I set foot back in our house after I’ve done all of my outside obligations and chores, I usually feel so tired and in dire need of a nap. Whenever I let myself indulge in a “quick nap” immediately after I’ve gotten home, the nap usually stretches beyond how long I intended for it to be. The nap becomes a full-blown sleep which interestingly makes me even lazier and in turn gives me more reason to just stay on the couch and continue lying there until God knows when.
That is why before I give myself the license to lie on the couch, I finish first all the writing that needed to be done and reading that I wanted to do. I still do try to be productive so as not have that feeling of regret or guilt when I decide to allow myself to succumb to laziness’ luring.
Now, I am trying to remember if I’ve been like this even when I was younger or only after I’ve become pregnant. It’s hard to tell now. I do know that I am a home-body but I do remember that I do get excited and pumped up whenever I am about to go experience something new. Whenever weekend is about to approach, I always see to it that I stay updated with new restaurant openings or know what events are on around Manila that time so that I could go and check them out. This is surely not something naturally lazy people would do, right?
Also when I’ve set foot here in Australia, I didn’t let a week pass by without chasing after novelty - may it be dining in a new restaurant, taking a different route or just exploring. Was it just because I am in a new place and now that the novelty is starting to wear off I’ve already reverted to my old ways? Was this really my old way or am I just in a phase where I have been changed in one way or another by my pregnancy. Much like the concept of having a baby brain where in my brain is not functioning to its normal potential just because I have a baby inside of me.
Anyway, I do think that this is not the time for risk-taking and exerting much effort. If my body needed to be lazy so that I could feel recharged and could function better then I’ll give it to my body to do so. The fact that I am pregnant and my body is undergoing a lot of changes right now to accommodate another life is already work in itself. It is just saddening to see that sometimes the hard work my body is doing right now is not apparent to other people, and sometimes to myself. Yes, I do feel frustrated and guilty at times for not being that productive, for not being able to do what I wanted to do, for not being bolder than I should be but I have to always, always remember now that this is not the time to push myself to the limits. It is not only myself now that I should look after. I always have to be mindful now of the repercussions of my actions to not only me but most importantly towards my baby’s health and wellbeing for whatever it is that I am feeling, I know my baby is feeling it too.
For now, I’ll just ride the waves and let him grow happily, steadily and healthily in my belly until it is time for him to come out to this world.